


Memories

by Assassin_In_A_Hoodie_1899



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: 10th Doctor/Rose Tyler - Freeform, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, Depression, Doctor Who Feels, F/M, Sad, badwolf, doctor who - Freeform, hadestown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assassin_In_A_Hoodie_1899/pseuds/Assassin_In_A_Hoodie_1899
Summary: The Doctor misses his home, He misses his Family, But most of all, He misses Rose
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Kudos: 3





	Memories

All I want is to fall asleep, just to simply close my eyes and disappear.

I haven’t moved for days. I have a bedroom in the Tardis, but I can’t remember when was the last time I used it. 

The Tardis talked to me, and at first she nagged at me. 

“Look at humanity's final hope. Raging oncoming storm? More like a small drizzle.” 

One fifth day of my seclusion, she realized I was serious.

“Come on. I know you're upset. I know! We can go-“ 

That’s when I stopped listening, and she started begging. 

“Please Doctor. Please go drink a glass of water. Get out of bed. Please” 

I can’t feel a thing. 

A star could be collapsing right now, or a small planet is slowly disappearing for no reason. Worlds could be crashing together. But for some reason, I could care less. I just...don’t care. 

I used to dream actual dreams. Sleepy peacefully through the night. I used to dream of home. Of my family. The dreams, were bitter sweet, until they rotted. Now every time I close my eyes, I can feel the heat of the fires, smell the blood of my family, hear them pleading for me to save them 

“Save us!”  
“Doctor! “  
“Save us! Help us!” 

I open my mouth, scream at them that I’m trying, I’m coming, I will help them. I will save them. I promise I will fix this! 

Every time I open my mouth to reply, nothing comes out.  
I see them, slaughtering my family. My home. My people.  
I beg myself to wake up. Wake up! Escape this pain. I would rather hold my hands over a fire than endure this. I can’t bear this anymore! I want it to stop! Stop this!  
But I can’t wake up. Because when I wake up, the nightmares never ends. 

“Doctor please. If you keep going on like this- then, What will become of-“

I remember my home. I remember, orange sky, the two suns would rise from the south, the mountains would glow, even the silver leafs would sparkle in the suns and yet, softer than any rose petal on earth. I remember walking with my wife, watching my children play. Then later in my long life, playing with my grandchildren. 

They had so much life left to live. Their immoral life cut too short. And I did it. It’s all my fault that they died a merciless death.  
They died on their knees, begging to live. For me to save them. 

“A Planet could be collapsing! Life’s could be at stake! You are really just going to lay there and do nothing?!?” 

When I’m not dreaming of gallifrey, it’s Rose who comes to haunt my dreams. 

Instead of begging for me to save her, or watching her die in my arms, or watching her slip away from me for all eternity. 

She’s kind to me. Too kind. The type I no longer deserve.  
She holds my hands. Brushes away my tears. She only speaks kind words to me. 

I want to brush her away, tell her to be angry at me, to scream at me. Give me what I deserved. 

But she always grabs my hands and kisses them. I scream at her,” don’t you know what I’ve done! I’ve killed them! I’ve killed my people. I destroyed my home! No matter how much I help there is always someone who I hurt! “ 

Rose never responds to me. She never contradicts me. I wish she would. I know I don't deserve her kindness. But I crave it nevertheless. 

And when I wake. I remember she’s no longer here. That I couldn’t even save her. My Rose is lost to me. For all eternity. 

This pain. Is something I can’t see, can’t scratch, a regular doctor can’t pick it up on their scanners. But it’s here. I want to find that part of my soul that longs for companionship and rip it out. It’s like a cancer slowly eating away at me. This loneliness, this craving will slowly devour me till there is nothing left of my soul. I’m so sick and tired of being alone. 

“Doctor. We need to go. The world needs you. please.” The Tardis tries one final time before giving up. 

I have made this bed. I might as well lay in it.


End file.
